A woman was watching a movie with a happy ending, and the husband walks in and sees his wife crying over the happy ending of the movie. "That is such crap," he says, shaking his head. "How can you be happy and sad at the same time? Only women could be so stupid. Men aren't like that. There isn't anything you could say to me that would make me happy and sad at the same time."
His wife looks at him and says, "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."